schedual for the next two weeks

Alright, time to get off my lazy ass, 'and' post something, 'and' get busy in my life. Vacation is almost to an end!

Thursday, first introductionday for my new course (teacher's assistant) from 12 to 2pm.

Friday, something sporty. My provincial sport Kaatsen BY NIGHT. A huge crane will come with lights. it should be a blast. First and only official game i want to attend. (also the last game of the season period)

Tuesday the 13th, first school day. I'm not used to teacher before class chatting anymore. But I'm sure I'll get used to it again.

Wednesday the 14th, first day of my internship. WOOT, yes then already. So I'll walk around like a blank page. It's only for a morning. Wednesday afternoon is traditionally free for kids in Holland. I'll be there on Monday, from eight o'clock to four pm, Wednesday from eight to one pm. And Friday from eight to one, perhaps later if they need a hand with the older kids creative afternoon. Don't know yet.



Last night I did sports again, I skipped it for awhile because I didnt like it anymore. It's a Competition thing and i know i cant win anwyay. Anyway...I know I'm socially isolated in the village and sometimes want to do something about it. I already dont like lage groups, and large group BBQ's. They never want to talk to me. It's a big drawback in a village.

I tried to chat to a girl i usually couldnt stand. (loves to hear herself talking too much) She doesnt look in my eyes, or briefly, and when some other girls came she just...Walked away and stood with 'them'. I imagined myself with a big billboard screaming "RUUUUDEEEE".

Here I was, seriously being nice while she didn't look at me and told me and I suppose more others btw, how she missed allot of games as well due to her house-sitting her younger sisters house, and going on Vacation to Italy (wish i went there but i dont have money) and i cant remember the third thing.

I've been pestered and repeatedly dissepointed by those of my age in this stupid shithole. I joined the sport club here to perhaps get back into the 'group' Why the hell do i even bother. I only feel disspointed again. And still the hope exists. well fuck it and them. I can speak with the more adults. I will always be emotionally and socially isolated in this place. I love the village and it's nature but please, throw the the people between 26 and 17 out please. Perhaps then I stand a chance.

It hurts and it only emphases my lonely existence outside of my family. Amazing how lonely you can feel then, the in the middle of a crowd but all alone thing.

I know i felt at home at my current intern place, i'll just make friends elsewhere. and who knows. perhaps even in my new class. even though it's much further then where i used to go. Perhaps a girl or boy who wants to be seen beside a chubby girl comes on the train as well seeing i have to come back to Herenveen each Tuesday and Thursday.

Sorry about this, it just sends me up the walls in frustration because I DO try. I really do...

That was all. Hugz.